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Posts Tagged ‘get back at your’

Jenny and her ex boyfriend ran into a rough spot.  To get back together, she needed him to understand that she required real commitment.

Brian was extremely afraid of committment.  He would get really serious with her for a while and then back off and say they should see other people.  This had happened three times and Jenny was tired of saying Brian was her boyfriend and then her ex boyfriend.  To get back together this time would require something more.

She thought about what she wanted and decided on a two-pronged approach.

To start, she decided that they could get back together only one more time.  If Brian got cold feet again, that would be the end of it.  Brian could not mess around this time.

**Side Bar**

Discover the most effective strategies in the Magic of Making Up.
Win Your Boyfriend Back
Ways To Get Your Girlfriend Back

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But the second prong was just as important.  Jenny admitted that she contributed to the problems in the relationship.  She always pushed to intensify the relationship too soon.  Brian always agreed at the outset, but then only after a couple weeks he would feel stifled and want more time alone.

{This time, she decided that she would let Brian set the speed of the relationship}.  This time, she would only require that he not date other girls.  Other than that fundamental principle, he would control the pace of the relationship.

When she explained her plan to her ex, to go out again with the understanding that he would control the speed, Brian was quite receptive.

Brian, being like most guys, needed to be the pursuer.  Whenever she set the pace, she stole away his power to pursue her.  He realized that he felt both suffocated and emasculated at the same time. So, she stopped calling him.  She put Brian in charge of the calling.  She stopped deciding what to do when they went out and let Brian to set things up.

She found that in the beginning they didn’t go out as frequently as she would wanted.  And, their dates were less “creative” than they would have been had she planned them.

But, she also found that the time they spent together was more special than it was in the past.  Brian now didn’t feel as if he was in a strange place when he was together with her.  And, he no longer needed to take “breaks” from her. Jenny first needed to figure out what she desired.  She knew she wanted Brian and she knew she wanted him all the time.

But, she also must find out what Brian desired.  He wanted some freedom and he also had to be in charge of the relationship.  Even though she is a progressive woman, Jenny accepted that this was important to Brian.

Quickly, Brian was no longer an ex boyfriend.  In order to get back with your ex, find out what you want and what he wants.  Then give it.